Perhaps no man has ever troubled to imagine how strange his life would appear to himself if it were unrelentingly assessed in terms of his maleness … if he were compelled to regard himself, not as a member of society, but as a virile member of society. … His newspaper would assist him with a “Men’s Corner,” telling him how, by the expenditure of a good deal of money and a couple of hours a day, he could attract the girls and retain his wife’s affection … He would be edified by solemn discussions about “Should Men Serve in Drapery Establishments?” and acrimonious ones about “Tea-Drinking Men”; and by irritable correspondence about men who expose their anatomy on beaches (so masculine of them), conceal it in dressing-gowns (too feminine of them), think about nothing but women, pretend an unnatural indifference to women, exploit their sex to get jobs, lower the tone of the office by their sexless appearance, and generally fail to please a public opinion which demands the incompatible.
Dorothy Sayers, Are Women Human?, 1938
Heh heh heh. Oh my. I have a number of thoughts about this.
Some of this seems to me to reflect a society that was, for the first time, dealing with a big influx of women into the public workplace, and did not quite know how to handle the new workplace dynamics this created. This was a problem unique to Sayers’ age. Now, we tend to fall into the other ditch, insisting that men and women are exactly the same and should be treated as completely interchangeable, which does not prepare us well for those many ways in which we aren’t.
But part of this rant, particularly the part about how women can’t seem to wear anything without attracting criticism from some quarter, remains relevant, because it is an outworking of a human universal, to wit: a grown woman stands out, in public, in a way that a man doesn’t.
It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure this out, so I would go around doing what I thought of as “normal person” activities, not realizing that when I, a woman, did them, it came off looking as if I was (at best) trying to attract attention.
I also could not wear “normal person” clothes.
Deborah Tannen has pointed out that there is no “neutral” outfit for a woman. Whatever she chooses to wear will be seen as a choice, and an image she is trying to cast.
It’s easy to be annoyed this by (Dorothy Sayers was!), but as I put more thought into this, I realize that we might as well be annoyed by the fact that people notice loud noises or color contrasts, or that they get grumpy when they’re hungry. It’s a fact of life, nobody’s fault, that we all have to work with. Us ladies need to realize that, whatever we do (or, especially, wear), we will stand out, and adjust accordingly.
Thanks to my cute little sister for helping me think through this.
Out of Babel Books 
Part of it is that I don’t think men care in the same way. Sayers parody examples showcase to me that she didn’t understand the male mind, because none of those things matter to men. They matter to women though and I wish she’d have had the courage to say so instead of blaming everyone else.
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I figured that her parody examples were drawn from actual articles and letters she had seen in the newspapers in 1938.
She certainly does write as though most women were like her, namely, academic battleaxes who do not have a typical feminine mind in the sense of caring about clothing, wishing to get married, etc. It’s even worse in the rest of the speech. (She also complains about some things that I think are just ridiculous, like women taking their husband’s name, and the title Mrs., and books of sociology or history devoting a chapter to women as a class as if there were something different about them.)
However, that’s not the thing she is really complaining about. She is saying that, if a woman (such as herself) happens not to want to spend a lot of time on her appearance, she is criticized for that, just as she is criticized if she seems to spend too much time on it.
This rings true to me. The message I once received was that we must be beautiful, but do not spend a lot of time thinking about how to do this, do not spend much money on it, do not talk with other women about it, because that will make you shallow, vain, and not a serious person. We are supposed to achieve this feat by accident.
“She is only criticized by other women, because men don’t care about that!” Y’all don’t care about how women look? Y’all don’t think things like, “What is wrong with her hair?” or “Why isn’t she making an effort?” And you don’t, in turn, roll your eyes at us when we want to buy clothes? Sure ya do.
“Why don’t you just buy the standardized sizes according to your neck, waist, and inseam measurements?” That does not exist in women’s fashion.
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In my defense, I never notice a woman’s hair 🙂
Or maybe I’m the outlier for guys, but from what I hear, most of us really don’t care.
Makes me wonder if the vocal guys are giving the rest of us a bad name?
Who cares?
Hahahaha 😉
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Yeah, I dunno. My impression is that men have a vague, impressionistic sense of the way ladies are supposed to look (the opposite of “dowdy” or “dumpy”), but don’t pay attention to all the strings moving and aren’t even aware that the strings exist, for the most part.
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That sounds about right to me.
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Most people don’t have a good sense of fashion. Both men and women would just throw on whatever cloth they could find when ever they wake up in the morning.
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I don’t know enough people to make that generalization. My husband sniffs his clean clothes deeply before he puts them on. I, whenever I am putting together an outfit, always feel as if I am donning a costume. (Luckily, I like costumes.) However, I certainly agree there are days when it would be nice to just reach for Neutral Outfit without having to think about it.
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Blue jeans, t-shirt, and tennis shoes is the most basic. Just add on one or two accessory like a hat, watch, or jewelry. It not that hard.
My job involves watching people all day and a lot of them are not models on a cat walk.
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