I have bad news. I do not say this lightly.

I have officially traveled from a Western American state to a Midwestern American state–nay, to Eastern Standard Time–and this involved going through some airports. And here is what I have seen.

Men, wearing short, wavy or curly hairstyles with a small mustache and no beard. I have seen this both in life and on a big, sophisticated advertising billboard, so you know it’s real. It used to be that the young, handsome guy look might include any kind of hair, from bald to Jason Momoa, but one thing you were definitely not going to see was a solo mustache. Now, it’s the reverse.

I’ve seen women wearing cotton dresses with large, colorful, odd-looking, semi-abstract prints on them. Colors that are either primary, or slightly off shades of pastels that I once asked myself why any of us would subject ourselves to them. And the reason was: because they were on sale.

Worst of all, friends, I have seen adults wearing short shorts. Lots of them. Men and women both. Sometimes, these short shorts are worn in conjunction with the aforementioned mustaches.

I really don’t know what to do about this. I’m at a loss. I ask the universe, “Why?”

We can only pray that this phase will pass quickly, and (if fashions are going chronologically), we will soon pass on to the 90s. Everyone will be wearing low-slung, baggy jeans; plaid flannel shirts; and knit caps over choppy hair. They will have smeary makeup and bags under their eyes. They’ll look like they either just rolled out of bed, or are in the midst of surviving a zombie apocalypse.

I’m much more comfortable with that look.